every me and you

2011-09-09T13:08:00.000+08:00

There is one person that I really love and could love no other is Muhammad Khidhir. We have always keep a low profile on our relationship in the cyber world. But today,I just want people to know how much I love this wonderful man. It has been more than three years we have been together. Love showed up when I was turning 18 but I know that it wasn't just my naivety that I have fallen in love.

This year is another year that we learned so much of ourselves and one another. And where our relationship will be taking us. It's almost the end of the year and this year I learned that trust is one of the most important thing that will keep the relationship. As cliche as it might sound, it's different when you say and when you do. We have been on the downside,but I love you more than I have ever had.

Things has been really good between us and we wouldn't know when suddenly it can be taken away. Keep an open communication constantly,consider each other feelings,don't let our ego and temper cloud our perspective,reason logically but balanced it out with emotional thinking.And be grateful with what our partners can give. Smile,laugh,joke,appreciate,care and love each other. Make your relationship simple,easy and effortless :)

2011-09-08T22:15:00.002+08:00

I have been on the longest hiatus.Updating my blog occasionally and if anyone still do check my blog(which i doubt anyone still would,that includes K)they would probably want to know what I have been up to.

the answer: absolutely nothing.
truth is,I've been in the deepest shithole which I've been trying to crawl out for the past 5 freaking months and I finally did.The shithole that I was referring to was,being unemployed. Eversince I graduated, I have been searching for a job. It teared me apart when the day I started looking for one, days have become weeks,weeks have become months and here we are 5 months later,I am so done with it. I was ashamed when people asked me what I was doing, I was actually stressed that I think I lost a bit of weight there. It was up to a point that when I stayed at home looking for jobs, I did not keep count of the days,I do not want to know what the date is, and I keep the calendar away because I don't want to know how long I have been staying at home. Sure,I did part time job but it didn't last and I needed time to stay at home to look for jobs and be ready and available when employers ask me down for interview.I have given all,my time, hours on the computer browsing through jobscentral and jobsdb, probably had sent 1k resumes to employers,meeting with agencies that wasted my time. Travel to and fro for interviews and going back with disappointment everytime. Everyday,I have to wake up to fear,fearing how long will this be. There was nothing to look forward to my life except being with K.It was probably the reason why I did not want to blog because there was nothing for me to share.

And finally,with many prayers,prayers from mam and dad especially,I did it.No one knows how I feel and what I have gone through till they went through what I did. Most importantly, was the faith that I had in Allah. I thank Allah so much and never did I gave up on Him. It was the only thing that kept me going. On the blessed month of Ramadhan,my dad told me that for sure I will get a job and I did.
Alhamdullilah.Alhamdullilah.Alhamdullilah. But I'm blessed for many reasons even though I was at the lowest point of my life.

I will leave you with my favourite quote and I'll come back here because there's something to look forward to now :)

If you make intense supplication
and the timing of the answer is delayed,
do not despair of it.
His reply to you is guaranteed;
but in the way He chooses,
not the way you choose,
and at the moment He desires,
not the moment you desire.
The Hikam by Ibn Ata'illah

2011-08-25T15:56:00.000+08:00

"I hated the fact that you pretend that nothing happened.Shit,it happened and you need to face it.Pretending doesnt make you forget".

2011-08-04T13:33:00.000+08:00

No one knows this despair.Feeling gloomy on a rainy thursday afternoon.

2011-08-03T18:03:00.000+08:00

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak!
Don't forget your 5 prayers,terawih and reciting of Quran!
Make lots of dua because Allah grants the prayers of the one who fast.InsyaAllah.
Mas,YAKIN is all you need now and the rest will follow.

2011-07-20T17:25:00.001+08:00

This post is for my dearest friend and lover who reads my (boring)blog,
I love you Muhammad Khidhir.I'm staying here with you till the end and after.

2011-07-18T17:54:00.000+08:00

Wondering whether I am unlucky or jinxed..But this "unnecessary" thoughts could lead to another.Have faith!

2011-07-17T15:13:00.002+08:00

Morning faces

2011-07-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

First aeroplane trip with familly to Bandung this morning.
Khidhir's first trip to Phuket.
We're coming back the same day.Alhamdullilah,feeling happy and grateful as ever..

2011-07-08T22:38:00.002+08:00

Never missing school but missing these girls :)

2011-07-05T22:14:00.000+08:00

Ya Allah,if the truth is better knowing,then You shall reveal it to me.If it is not,blind me from it so it shall never be reveal.

2011-07-04T22:42:00.000+08:00

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair by Pablo Neruda

Don't go far off, not even for a day
Don't go far off, not even for a day,
Because I don't know how to say it - a day is long
And I will be waiting for you, as in
An empty station when the trains are
Parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because then
The little drops of anguish will all run together,
The smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
Into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve
On the beach, may your eyelids never flutter
Into the empty distance.

Don't leave me for
A second, my dearest, because in that moment you'll
Have gone so far I'll wander mazily
Over all the earth, asking, will you
Come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

Favourite poem of all.

2011-06-30T18:37:00.001+08:00

Tuesday March 20th 2008

It was one day before your birthday and we had a date.I think at that time,I didn't even know it was a day before your birthday.It was the most unforgettable date I ever had with you and that was what exactly I described the date on my diary.Unforgettable.It was a simplest affair but the simple of all leaves more memories.We had dinner at Seoul Garden at Ngee Ann City.I wrote that you were really good to me.You being gentleman,taking the utensils for me and asked the waiter for the brownies because I wanted one.That simple gestures of yours impressed me the most and bring warmth to my heart.

After dinner we walked around Orchard Road,busking in the lights of neon and the buzzing crowd.But it didn't stop us.We walked aimlessly and finally had a stop at Borders,which we still up till now often come when we're in town and don't know what to do.We were looking through religious Islamic books and had the same interest.Everything was so perfect that night.I never felt any calmer or serene that I shared with another man.The night ended when you sent me home,the first guy ever to send me right to my doorstep.You gave me a shawl you bought from KL and you lied to me before that you didn't buy anything when I asked.You just wanted to surprise me actually.And that shawl still lies here in my bed,right beside me when I go to sleep every night.Because it reminded me of you.Of the first thing you ever bought for me.

After that wonderful and special night,I had fallen hard for you.You didn't know this but that night had left a huge impact on me.I was thinking of you day and night.I wanted to tell you right away but I hold back this crazy feeling that I had for you.It has been too long since I felt this way for someone and it made me happy.I then prayed to God to make this happen,right and give me the strength that I need.

To the simple dates that we had :)

2011-06-30T16:19:00.001+08:00

Day 2 : It finally sink in.Ouch,it hurts so so badly :(

2011-06-29T17:00:00.001+08:00

Our First Date

5th February 2008 was our first date.Truth to be told,I never been out on a date.Meeting and getting to know a guy was something new to me,it was somewhat of a fear that I needed to overcome myself.K asked me out on a Tuesday night to Breeks Marina Square.That day,that place,that time was where everything started.You waited for me outside Breeks,the moment I saw you,my heart beats so fast.I was choking with nervousness.I watched you from far because I saw you first.You,with your white pullover sweater,black straightcut pants,clean-cut hair and your green bag(cant remember what shoe you wore though).You had a good first impression,I'm glad you had some sense of fashion cause I cared about this and it was one of my considerations if i ever decide to go out with you again.

We said our Hi's and we went inside.I apologized for reaching late,and that I had blisters and that it was no excuse.I was blabbering,because I was nervous.We then ordered our food and since we were on dutch,I ordered something cheap and I think you did too.Haha.We started our conversations,awkward moments here and there because it was the first time we saw each other and alone together like this.Our date was then brought out outside when we were done with dinner.It was about 9 plus and we had a nice walk to the Merlion statue where we chose to sat.I was blabbering again,talking about my secondary school life.You were pretty quiet but you shared some of yours too.I keep talking and asking you because you were too quiet for a noisy girl like me.I don't want to be in silence for long.For a person like me I tried to avoid silence between two people cause it makes me uncomfortable.However,during moments of silence,sitting beside you,looking at the scenery we had,I found a sense of comfort that I never had with any other guy.There onwards,was the starting point of you teaching me the meaning of silence,being quiet and still enjoy each other company.

I lost the track of time but it was 10.30pm plus that we wanted to go back.We walked to the Raffles Mrt and when we were at the platform,the train towards City Hall arrives.I was so ready to leave.I was so ready to end the night because I was still nervous and I don't want to continue the conversation.You wanted to send me back but I refused profusely.There,it ended right there.And the rest is history..

2011-06-28T13:34:00.000+08:00

Hurt is like a knife pierced through the heart and then all you feel is numbness.

2011-06-28T12:18:00.000+08:00

The past is always lurking in the present and future,waiting for the right time to make its appearance and ruin all the hopes of believing that we have already moved on.You might moved on but the past is still the past and it's coming back to haunt you or your loved ones.So what are you going to do when you are facing someone's else's past?How do you even get up and try to move on once again?

2011-06-13T12:21:00.000+08:00

Leaving your entire fate to the Almighty and not having a single worry is really a challenge.Over and over again,I remind myself that He knows what is best for me and that the wait will be worth it.Keep your faith high,Masturah :)

2011-06-01T11:29:00.000+08:00

This marks The End.

2011-05-27T23:41:00.000+08:00

thank you for the times when you weren't there,because your absence made me work harder.When I missed you or when you were busy to text,I delved myself into work,all my thoughts of you diminished when I start to work like crazy non-stop for hours and hours.I can proudly say that I don't need a man to get me going.In a way,you wanted me to be independent and that is the greatest gift you have given me.

ps/: sorry two mushy entries in a row!

2011-05-16T12:07:00.002+08:00

As I am writing this,I don't know if you know that today mark the 3 years that we have been together.Maybe you pretend that you don't know cause when I asked, you said,you don't and you gave me the smiley face.Haha.Anyway,nothing celebratory of today.We probably go out as per normal and have dinner.Keeping all the good stuff when we get married huh?

I just want you to know that it has been a really really good 3 years with you.We had a solid relationship.I like the way things are between us and I am really grateful.You are so easy to be with and you always put up with me(like how I always put up with you).Okay I shall save the mushy stuff to him in privacy but I rarely publicized my relationship with him so this is the only one time okay?

alright gotta go and get ready to meet him!

2011-05-14T15:22:00.000+08:00

no,no,no.I am not abandoning blogging.
Maybe when life gets better or when my mood is right,I'll be back.Anyway,I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore but whoever still does,do pray that I will get a job soon and maybe that is when I will start blogging!

2011-05-04T17:15:00.002+08:00

Of hope,patience,trust and faith.

2011-04-27T23:41:00.001+08:00

I'll be back.Soon.

2011-04-21T13:59:00.002+08:00

all you see is my flaws and my mistakes

2011-04-14T15:24:00.000+08:00

"Instead, I gave him my shoulder,my elbow,the bend of my knee."
"I lend him my corners,my edges,the parts of me that I could afford to offer,the parts that I have long since I have given up trying to hide."
"He never asks for more.He gave me back his eyelashes,the back of his neck,his palms.."
"We kissed with mouth open,breathing his exhale into my inhale.."

discovered Sarah Kay and I really really love this poetry of hers.I have never done real poetry. The attempts that I had was when I was 14,writing quite a few love poetry(i think it was at that point of time).This made me quite inspired and maybe I hope it gets me to write.

2011-04-13T11:25:00.001+08:00

9 April- Shopping+Frolicking with Cousins
Beautiful pictures credits to my cousin Zara.

2011-04-03T13:01:00.000+08:00

8 years friendship.Taken at marina barrage.And yes I know I went MB twice this month.

2011-03-29T23:10:00.000+08:00

March is ending soon and it has been more than a month since school has ended.I am trying to enjoy every moment of my freedom left before I embark on a new episode in life.As much as I tried,there is still a thread of worryness at the back of my mind,quite worried on how long this job hunting will take me.But I try not to let it bug me as much because I know it will come.I know it will and I will leave it to Allah because I have already tried what I can.March has been really really good to me.I get to meet my girlfriends often now as we are working together,I get to spend time with K without worrying about school,I get to spend time with my cousins,I get to see K's family and had a good time with them,I get to see my Ustazah which I havent seen in 2 years and I get me-time especially.And also it's the month of K's birthday!(I still owe him something).It is also the month that confirmed my graduation and I did pretty good for my last semester.Besides that,I am loving the experience that I am experiencing right now.I wouldnt call myself a teacher but I was given the opportunity to teach and feel the hardwork of being a teacher.I kinda like teaching and it is getting on me.I like interacting with kids cause they make me laugh sometimes and reminisce of my secondary school days.I always said that teaching will be my last resort but I don't know now.I might,might take up teaching if I can't find anything else so it still a last resort!We'll see how my life entails.

So that is how life has been treating me good.I know that once I started working and hopefully studying,life wouldn't be easy.Life wouldn't be easy once I start work,then schooling up until I graduated,find a new job and ending up with a job or career that I love.If that is how my life will roll out for me.

Okay gotta get going.Will be back soon.

2011-03-25T14:38:00.001+08:00

really love this song.

2011-03-23T21:27:00.001+08:00

HEART PAIN

2011-03-23T11:12:00.000+08:00

results are out and i am quite contented with my grades.i did well only at the end of this DID journey..
so now,the job-hunting continues..everything will come to you,you just need to wait for it.

2011-03-22T10:50:00.000+08:00

yesterday was K's birthday but this boy has been working so hard.instead of giving him presents,he bought for me dresses.to you who has sacrificed so much for me,happy 23rd birthday.

2011-03-21T21:14:00.000+08:00

fuckyeahmasturahsaad.tumblr.com

i miss school by looking at these pictures,i miss my friends the most,the times we spent together but never the assignments or projects.I am glad that is over.Tomorrow,the results awaits.Praying that all of us 5 will graduate together..

2011-03-18T18:29:00.001+08:00

this blog in dire need of pictures

taken with my two cousins Fiza and Nyna at marina barrage last saturday

2011-03-14T21:52:00.000+08:00

i don't care if i am tired,as long as i am still young,i want to do something productive.this is the only the period of our life that we still have energy to do whatever we want.i don't want to look back and say,i wish i have done this when i was much younger.

currently: just started working today and i can choose as and of when.and i've already landed myself in a job interview this thursday.wish me all the best.

2011-03-11T23:45:00.001+08:00

something's not right tonight.I can feel it.

2011-03-09T18:10:00.000+08:00

i will definitely miss the times with these four girls...me,rf and kat doing trance-dancing and hamie and queen,the two blur ones.HAHA!

2011-03-09T17:58:00.001+08:00

Me: "When the whole world is against you,there will be one person that is with you and that is me".
You: "Nobody else i would ask for..And the only one I need".

I want to remember this forever..

True love is tested when one is in a situation..how far would the other go through it together with the one.
The phrase then applies.."through thick and thin".
Highs and lows,you'll find me there..

2011-03-07T16:11:00.001+08:00

it has been a week since school has officially ended.it took me longer that i thought to update this blog of mine.i've graduated.now what?instead of feeling joy,i feel stranded.as for now.currently i will never know how my future will be like.once again.it is hard not to think or worry too much.i try not to make any big plans for myself.just praying to God seems to be better at the moment.truth to be told,i am scared.i hope it turns out good because i do not want history to repeat itself.just gonna hang in there a bit,try my luck here and there and see how it goes..God has His plans for me and i just have to wait.patiently.

2011-02-25T01:05:00.001+08:00

ABOUT LESS THAN 24 HOURS TIME

2011-02-22T15:26:00.000+08:00

somehow i am not looking forward to doing nothing at all :( and the fact that you..hmmm mixed feelings starting to set in here on graduating.

3 more days

2011-02-20T21:51:00.003+08:00

5 MORE DAYS.
SAYS NO TO EXTENSION.I HAVE MY WEEKEND PLANNED OUT.

will blog more after this!

2011-02-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

the fact that i will be done by NEXT FRIDAY makes me smile.
ahhhhhh, it's ALMOST over.
will be celebrating my end of 3 years in poly with friends and K.
Murtabak on friday, 127 hours with K.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-12T18:26:00.000+08:00

So many has been said,now time will tell if you will leave.as for now, keep praying for the best, for what i want could not be the best for us.

2011-02-09T21:45:00.000+08:00

i feel so humbled..i can't do this without Allah's guidance.
thank you thank you thank you

2011-02-04T13:03:00.000+08:00

about 2 more weeks left!!!Keep on fighting my girls.I can pray for you but God can help if you help yourself first.

2011-02-02T22:49:00.001+08:00

"Tokyo,I'm coming, wait for me!"

ps/: i miss wearing my boots!"

2011-01-29T15:58:00.000+08:00

busy weeks ahead, left with about 20 more days and that's it. the end of school.
anyway,the only fun that happened this week was the photoshoot.everyone else was dreading it but i guess i was the only one looking forward for it.eventhough i felt foolish for the informal shot but oh well,treasure every minute i have in school because i just might miss school once i graduated.

okay that's it talk soon xx

2011-01-25T23:02:00.002+08:00

how do i convince you not to leave me?

2011-01-25T09:56:00.002+08:00

3.5 more weeks!excited to end!

2011-01-21T12:39:00.000+08:00

Graduation.
Grad Convocation.
Grad Show.
Grad Trip.
Grad Photoshoot.
Post-Grad Outings.

These are all the things that keep me going.
All i could say,i never worked hard and put my soul into any other projects than this.I hope it pays off.

2011-01-16T17:09:00.000+08:00

i think it is the trust that i had in you and in God that makes everything tolerable.i don't let my emotions get in a way and i always think of my actions, whether or not i have exaggerated myself.i always told myself to be thankful to have you and that i am lucky enough.
remember,the trust and faith precedes..even if things doesn't go our way.

2011-01-16T13:55:00.005+08:00

"my greatest gift to my husband; my virginity".

2011-01-16T12:54:00.000+08:00

in 5 years time?
ps/: we had buffet so ignore my bulging stomach
pss/: ignore my brother beside me.he is cheeky and showing off his new handphone.

2011-01-12T18:17:00.001+08:00

Neglect.

2011-01-10T10:46:00.001+08:00

now now, who says we can't wear earrings?
current fashion inspiration: Aisyah from Malaysia
her facebook

2011-01-09T20:33:00.000+08:00

last day of 2010 was spent with these lovely ladies.

2011-01-06T11:01:00.001+08:00

the start of 2011 is treacherous, risky, difficult and intense.7 weeks is all we got to make it or break it. then it will all be over..school will be over.the day has finally come.the time i have been waiting for since i stepped into this school.my stressfulness and worryness will be gone.when the day come, i shall rejoice.i will be smiling so widely then..in the meantime, keep fighting!

2011-01-03T22:22:00.000+08:00

love has blossomed into unimaginable ways..i didn't expect to fall...and fall hard.

2010-12-31T12:42:00.000+08:00

YES!HE'S GOING WITH MY DECISION!NO CATS!

can't take back your words Mr. cause it's written here..

2010-12-28T21:26:00.004+08:00

Kak Hanez's Wedding

To know you have marry the women of your dream...

2010-12-28T21:09:00.001+08:00

Haven't thought of any resolutions for next year.next year it's gonna be another life-changing.anticipating?maybe.i'm anxious of what to come.but i have two things in my mind.Get myself a job and enrol myself into private Uni.InsyaAllah, praying never stops..
and the possibility of you being away too..

2010-12-28T20:14:00.000+08:00

so much fun yesterday, i wished it didn't end.
one week left.

2010-12-27T00:41:00.001+08:00

you are exceptional...

2010-12-23T12:37:00.002+08:00

sometimes the people we loved the most, hurt us the most.

2010-12-22T17:39:00.005+08:00

the other i was talking to K.we saw a cat wallked passed us.the major difference between us is that, he really really loves cats and i'm really really terrified of cats.so the conversation went something like this.
Me: "So if you have a cat, what would you name it?"
K: "Zero and Scrabs".
*silence
Me: "I asked for one, you gave me two.does that means that you want two cats?"
K: "Yes".
i can't remember what i said, but i bet it was 'noooooo'and 'OMG'.shakes head in complete disbelieved.
if we were ever to get married, he wants to have cats at home. i tried to make him promise me to not have cats but till now he hasn't promise me yet.K if you reading this,please please please, if you really love me,you have to choose.Me or cats?

HAHA.

2010-12-22T12:50:00.004+08:00

Kak Hanez's Bachelorette Party

don't know why i looked so dark here down here

pictures credit to Zara

2010-12-17T00:10:00.001+08:00

school is draining me especially when you wished that you were in your dream course.there were several opportunities that i passed off because of school.if i had more time, i would like to do baking, taking up sewing class, getting myself a driving lesson and also taking my time to read and increase my knowledge.when i do have time now, all i want to do is lie in my bed,spend my time watching TV shows, facebook-ing and twitter.those are my temporal replacement of school.i do not think of school when i do that of course.what i want to do for all these 2 years takes time.unfortunately time isn't on my side.if i don't finish up my work, it will be always at the back of my mind,bugging me.if i do something else, without finishing my work,i can't do it peacefully.like the simplest things of all, watching tv.that is why i couldnt take up what i've been wanting to do.just a few days ago, my mam told me that my dad would sponsor me to sewing class.this is the second time i said no.no because i have no time.it's sad but that's life.i hope it's not a sign that i'm not fated to sew.i've always wanted to and i hoped i could start when i have graduated. but the other issue like money will crop in.we'll see how alright.it's just that in design, you are always on the rush for time. we are chasing time,time fooled us sometimes. it sucks and it's starting to wear me down and of course, everyone else in my course.

now that it is mid december, time can you please slow down a little.because i need time.i need more time seriously..

2010-12-15T22:26:00.000+08:00

so freaking pissed off

2010-12-14T14:18:00.002+08:00

this is by far the most fav picture of you and me.feeling guilty cause we're not doing anything for your birthday again.i don't think you'll read this but happy 21st my friend.have fun in Korea(South of course!haha inside joke).please do bring back for yourself a korean boyfriend.and like they always say, sarang hae yo!i think that's right?

2010-12-13T21:35:00.002+08:00

the truth is, i want to spend my whole life with you and no one else.Period.

2010-12-13T00:30:00.000+08:00

conventional/traditional woman with modern dreams?
somehow you have already just defined me.

2010-12-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

i find this funny.
when i just got into poly, K was few months away to serving the nation.
2 years later, he is done with NS and even got himself enrolled to Uni while i am still here stuck with school!3 years seems very long aye?i can't wait to get out(i might take back my words when i start working myself)and do something that i love to do.
now the nearer it is, the slower time gets, the harder the project is.
praying for the best.

dont want december to end because the next one month and a half is going to be really tough.
i will enjoy to the fullest!

2010-12-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU MUHAMMAD KHIDHIR :)

2010-12-05T21:07:00.002+08:00

2010-11-30T21:17:00.000+08:00

trying to feel positive.
school's work is truckload.
let see,about 10 drawings to do,and then rendered,a model and presentation slides.
all by next week friday(within 2 weeks), plus struggling with how to design it and issues behind it.
so far this is the worst ever but the light is at the end of the tunnel.
graduation in about 2 months time!

be back by next week :)

2010-11-28T23:04:00.000+08:00

"Because I want to be judged for what I say and what I do,not for what I look like".
From my Sister's Lips by Naima B.Robert when she asked a woman from Cairo why she had to cover herself.

2010-11-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

"Without doubt,the assumption is that this poor woman was forced by her husband or family to dress as she does,that she is an uneducated immigrant who probably speaks little or no English or that,steeped in ignorance,she has yet to experience the delights of Western freedoms.She is, in essence,desparate to be liberated" From my Sister's Lips by Naima B.Robert.

what western delights?wearing a dress?showing some cleavage and thighs?drinking?partying?having sex before marriage?

2010-11-25T23:27:00.000+08:00

people come to me to make themselves feel happy.they come to me because i was the light in the room,i was the joker in the clique,i was the ball for them to start rolling,i was the laughter when they need,i was the loudest and happiest among them.when they get what they want,when they are equally happy,they leave..and everytime they leave,they took away shred of my happiness,and i, emptier than before.after all i am just there to make them simply,happy.

2010-11-24T22:30:00.002+08:00

so is this real?
it seems real to me.

2010-11-23T15:12:00.000+08:00

"hanging train"

2010-11-20T15:34:00.002+08:00

i might get too self-indulgent sometimes.
having a short break from school till tuesday but hell will set loose next week.3 more weeks to our last term holiday.i can't wait to graduate and start doing something worthwhile.
K dropped a big bomb yesterday(ladies no he did not propose me)and got me thinking...

enjoy your weekend.having ayam bakar later!

2010-11-16T23:05:00.006+08:00

Tokyo, Japan 31st Oct-6th Nov 2010

several things that i missed about Tokyo:

1. the weather!good heavens that when i came back, singapore having its monsoon season.i miss the cool weather,it's like you're in an air conditioned room when you step outside.

2. the service!the service there was pretty good compared to Singapore.the cashier speaks softly, yes even the guys.they always thank you.i like it when they give your change, they will always give you the notes first, then the coins.

3.the weird(in a good way) fashion sense of the Japanese people. they wear anything and everything without caring about what people might be thinking of them.i saw a lady who wore hair curlers out.the weirder, the better.it was really nice to see every single Japanese people dressed up, unlike Singaporeans who wear their smelly boxers to buy mcd breakfast.seriously.

4. i miss their clean toilets and the toilet seats!their toilets are generally clean and it does not stink.none of the toilets that i went to stinks even the one in the park,which was a bit dirty but still doesnt stinks.i also miss the warmth feeling the toilet seats gave when i woke up every morning at 5

(solat subuh) feeling cold.

5. Japanese people talking.i loved it when i am surrounded by Japanese people talking.when they talk, it sounded nice and bearable to the ears unlike china people talking,with their accent so thick.

okay that's it.sorry i have been talking about Tokyo since i came back.pardon me, this is my first time going anywhere beyond Malaysia and i was very excited.it has left a huge impact on my life. i will never forget the 6 days i had in Tokyo.

2010-11-13T23:50:00.001+08:00

not in the mood

2010-11-12T23:02:00.000+08:00

today was crazy.came to school at 9.45am, get started with work,hungry but no time to eat,failed plan,got scolded by ricky,proceeded to plan B,works perfectly alhamdullilah, work till almost 2pm and still got scolded by ricky, still no lunch,just a bread to keep curb the hunger,help Q out till 3pm.3-5pm,waiting plus rushing to submission and i'm finally done with the day.the day ended nicely with kat and ruifen, having our coffee and bread at ya kunya toast Lot 1, talk and talk, looked around for wallet and shoes and home sweet home.

no plans for tomorrow means stay at home and update on my Japan trip and watch movies and glee and attempt on my essay :)

happy weekend

2010-11-12T22:36:00.000+08:00

I miss being in Tokyo..i miss the feeling of being far away,from my family, from you somehow..

2010-11-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

i'm back from Tokyo by the way...loving every minute i was there and yearns to travel.

2010-11-08T21:47:00.000+08:00

10 Tips on How to be a Successful Wife
Written by Muhammad al-Shareef via IdealMuslimah

10. Use your ‘Fitnah’ to win the heart of your husband
All women have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah - Azza wa Jal - has bestowed you with to win the heart of your husband.

9. When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting
Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, a clean bedroom - what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him.

8. Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn and try to imitate them
The Qur’an and Sunnah describe the women in Jannah with certain characteristics. Such as the silk they wear, their large dark eyes, their singing to their husband, etc. Try it, wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your eyes to ‘enlarge’ them, and sing to your husband.

7. Always wear jewelry and dress up in the house.

From the early years, little girls have adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets and worn pretty dresses - as described in the Qur’an. As a wife, continue to use the jewelry that you have and the pretty dresses for your husband.

6. Joke and play games with your husband.
A mans secret: they seek women who are light-hearted and have a sense of humor. As Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh.

5. Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does.
Then thank him again. This is one of the most important techniques, as the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire.

4. An argument is a fire in the house.
Extinguish it with a simple ‘I’m sorry’ even if it is not your fault.
When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you just say sincerely, “Look, I’m sorry. Let’s be friends.”

3. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah.
Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. So .. please him.

2. Listen and Obey!
Obeying your husband is Fard [a must]! Your husband is the Ameer [head] of the household. Give him that right and respect.

1. Make Dua to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful.
All good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah ta’ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on - by the Mercy of Allah ta’ala - into Jannah.

i love how Islam teaches us to treat your husband with full of undying love and care.Your husband is your priority in life.Indeed, the path to heaven is treat your husband well and with such utmost respect.I like traditional wife who treats their husband to cup of tea whenever he is working home or giving him a massage when he is tired.

Oh well, whoever marries me will be lucky :p HAHAH kidding!!

2010-10-30T16:45:00.000+08:00

this week has been a really busy week for me. it's only the 2nd week of school and i'm exhausted.i'm really glad that is over because i'm going to Japan!i have been waiting for this for months. it will be my very first time riding on a plane.i'm really very very anxious.i'm scared actually, hopefully i won't be paranoid. it will be the first time that i am so far away from my family.the heart is heavy to leave to be honest.i don't know how it will feel like to feel so far away from them and Khidhir.i pray Allah to give me the strength.i know it's only for a week but..
anyway, to those reading this, pray that i will have a safe journey to Tokyo and will reached Singapore safely..
I love my family and khidhir!will miss you guys so much, hope i won't be homeseick.goodbye till i blog again :)

2010-10-24T22:38:00.002+08:00

now,i'm back in school.15 weeks and it will be over. totally not looking forward for 3D.prays for the best.

2010-10-20T23:32:00.001+08:00

20 on 20/10/2010 :)

2010-10-16T17:21:00.000+08:00

i'm very strict when it comes to planning.i'm a scheduled person.my life is followed by a set of timetable.what time to wake up, what time to eat, what time to watch tv,how long, what time to do my assignment, how long to do it and what time to sleep. it may sound like an uptight life,or yes i may sound like an uptight person.i'm pretty strict with what i have planned out for myself or what others have planned out for me.i do not like my plans to be meddled.i'm not a spontaneous person, i tried and do sometimes be a spontaneous person.when a person make plans with me they better stick with it. i'm also very particular with time. if you decide to meet me at a certain time, you better dont cancel last minute on me and change to another time unless it's serious circumstances.you already have guessed that i do not like last minute.it's better to be inform early,say two hours earlier.i like stringent plans.you can say it's a bad thing,or that i should live life spontaneously cause it's more fun. well, my arguement is that i find ease when my time is planned out and i know what is going to happen.i like to be prepared.but the problem is now having a boyfriend who prefers spontaneity.the challenge, how do we balanced it out? for me,i take pleasure(and sometimes pain hahah) in having someone who works differently from me.he can do what i cannot do and he cannot do what i can do.to balance it out, i accept spontaneity from time to time and try having fun with it.i'm able to do it when i'm with him.for him,vice versa. didn't mean to type this but this is what came out when K decided to push the timing to meet me from 5 to 6pm.

2010-10-15T00:25:00.001+08:00

i'm still yours, forever, faithfully..

2010-10-13T23:55:00.004+08:00

Al-Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem

read this - history of al-aqsa

As a Muslim, we all know that this one of the holiest place in the world as it where our Prophet Muhammad SAW was ascended to the heaven to meet Allah himself.

the reason why i was researching about this mosque was because K told me about some of the history of Al-Aqsa and i wanted to know more of it. it is such a rich history that it's unsettling. many lives have been sacrificed due the sacredness of the mosque/place. it does not pertain to Islam only but the history has included the other two religion, Jews and Christians. the war over the mosque had happened for a period of many years. the Muslim felt the need to protect the mosque because of an event that is most sacred. it looks to me like fighting for property that seemed to be beyond valuable but which one is the rightful owner? that is what happened in the past. they fight, they conquer.

now, it has become a place for all three religion to come and witness for its history. it is also rightfully belonged to the Muslims.

i wished i had know this a long time ago..and i wished to know more about the history of Islam. one day, i would like to come and visit this mosque, InsyaAllah..

2010-10-09T12:40:00.002+08:00

now now..we have one more semester to go.one last project before graduation..I SIMPLY CANNOT WAIT. i've been thinking of what to wear for my final critique/presentation.i'm going to dress to impress(like real!).hahah i know, far-fetched.my classmates wouldn't even be bothered as they are more worry about their performance.okay mas,you're not in fashion design.

ONE MORE WEEK to our well-deserved break.ENJOY my friends!

2010-10-07T14:18:00.004+08:00

two new buys this week.one is to remind me that i need to get back in shape and the other is to remind me that i have less than 3 weeks and 3 days left to go.

ps/:dont you love that pink shoes?heheh it's the only bright pink shoes that i dare to go out wearing.

2010-10-01T23:49:00.006+08:00

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1301921/Weve-gone-degree-Why-university-longer-passport-success.html

I really liked this article that i read weeks ago.it's very inspiring how people worked their way to their dreams.personally i think in Singapore,the way to success and climb the ladder on top is to be very educated hence having a degree.it is still relevant and you sure do earn a lot more only by your qualifications.there arent many opportunities in Singapore and i wished it could be different.finding a job that you want is never easy.people do not looked for what they want anymore.as long as they have a job,they are fine with it.what is more inspiring about the article is how young they are..they are definitely courageous and focused on what they wanted to do in life.
hmmm..interesting.how i wish i could be one of them..

2010-09-28T16:29:00.005+08:00

It's a wrap!

this year was all about polaroids

2am in the morning under my blok.

last weekend was the last of raya visiting.now..now,can i have a proper date with K?

2010-09-22T23:36:00.002+08:00

i could not imagine how next year would be like for me after my graduation.it is like the period when i was waiting for my O levels result.at that point of time,while i was waiting,i could not know how life will turn out for me until i received my results and got into polytechnic.i am very anxious because my last year in poly is nearing to an end,faster than i thought.i am closing this chapter of my life and opening a new one soon in about less than 6 months time.it is affecting me everytime i am closer to graduation.when the chapter closes and i am opening a new one,this is where i do not want the history to repeat.it will be the time for me step up and all the being bravery,confident talk will need to be put in an action.i am even scared of myself,scared that all the talk,the dreams will go to waste.that i just end up letting myself down.while everyone else out there is feeling sad that poly is going to end and they will miss their friends and such,here i am not.i know i have been talking about post-grad but this post-grad will be the definition of my life and the ramifications if things doesnt go the way i plan will be impactful than ever.

as for now,i am going to enjoy the remains of my "teenage" life and prays very hard. everything is now in God's hands and i am leaving to Him to know what is best for me.
hopefully if i don't get what i want at least just let me marry K.(opps did i say that?hahahah!)