last sunday-east coast park

i'm feeling a bit emo this few days and what i should be emo-ing about is school but it is not about school. here i am feeling unstress whereas everyone else is so stress out about their work makes me feel like, have i done enough? the answer is no and never. i have never done enough. i am trying now but right this moment, is not working. i dont know what i should do to improve. i am totally blank. and i say wow to these negative, pessimistic thoughts that currently running through my head for the past weeks.wow because first i am always looking on the bright side and always feeling optimistic. what the hell am i thinking?

and i really love the idea of disappearing.

maybe first start should be this blog.

I MISS MY SEC GIRLFRIENDS. YES ALL OF YOU..

and maybe the guys too.

friday morning till saturday night- @ melaka celebrating hari raya haji

sunday afternoon- picnic with K's friends @ecp

had a really good weekend.

so it's time for work now this week.

Friday marked the end of our term 3!!!

holiday here i come!!

In order to come back to You, I know what i should do.

First, I should stop doing what I am doing.

Second,I should let go of the person that i love the most and praying that the person will come back to me someday.

Third, disappear.

Fourth, go into refuge.

Dubai. You. I.

Cant wait to travel around..Once i start working!

one of the important lesson in this life is to let go. let go of everything, your feelings, thoughts, anger, disappointment, people,boyfriend, ex best friend, clothes, shoes, things, tv shows. let go when they held no importance, when they are making everything worst, instead of making things better.

and now, i'm letting go of my autocad as you held of no importance. i am going to sleep.

PS/: WATCHING NEW MOON NEXT FRIDAY, AFTER SUBMISSION!WOOHOOT

"Allah is aware of human weaknesses and is forgiving; so come back.. Come back even if you have broken your repentance a thousand times.."

Read this from Sis Muna's Facebook. Just what i need.

dreams, can come true if you believe in it.

i am afraid of what's to come after i graduate. i dont want to be stuck with doing something that i dont like again.three years is enough of a lesson. i just wish, really wish that i will do something that i am interested in,somewhere along that line of work, i will be glad, before i start studying again. hopefully, that will happen. and if i have saved enough, i might want to consider studying overseas, together with K.. that will be real good. the future seemed endless, if only all will come true. countless plans ahead but the one who decides what's best for us, is Him.

ps/: i miss those halaqah days. i wouldnt be sitting here on friday night blogging, but learning something more beneficial. any chances of coming back Sis Muna?

tonight was good. finally,you're not as busy as you were..finally,we just get to sit in silence and enjoy the night away..oh, the wind was too good, i even felt like sleeping there. finally, there werent any arguements,how tired i am of that.i feel contented, i am going to sleep with a smile tonight.

however, the smile will fade when tomorrow comes. reality check, i have work to do. submission due in 3 weeks.

that's it the end of my weekend.

3 more weeks to school, hell it's gonna be but we have 4 weeks of holidays after that.great,just what i needed.

miss,miss,miss

you.

Earth, Sky, Divinity, Mortal.

Oneness. eg, Mosque.

i was looking up on mosques architecture at the school library and i told myself. if i ever goes around to becoming an established,rich architect, the first building i would build is the mosque. IF i ever, but i doubt i will. higher chances i wont but i can contribute in another way. the mosque, is not just a mosque and not just a place to pray.it would be wonderful if i experience an overwhelming interior space of a mosque. i think the mosque should gives us more than the feelings we already have when we enter a mosque. how we should experience the space when we step in the mosque, when we take our ablution, when we bow our heads towards Allah,when we have our foreheads on the praying mat and especially when we are having intimate time with Allah, Himself?these feelings can be enhanced through architecture and interior.wouldnt it be wonderful? when we step out of the mosque, feeling liberated and at peace? do i make sense here? i dont know how to explain further but i want that feeling.i want that mosque to linger in my head and makes me come back more because i feel Allah the most in that mosque. and not that we dont feel Him the most elsewhere but we need a place to feel belong. so lets all use of imagination and imagine that feeling...

i'm pretty tired for today.

probably will be sleeping early. heck to martin heidegger.i'm not gonna read you tonight. you might give me nightmares.

ps, i got 4 more weeks to submission and to holiday!! so fast, yeah i know :)

alright here i am typing this away..

today for a very long time, i am at home on a saturday, doing absolutely nothing(except trying to read and decipher martin heidgger for a review),watch ugly betty season 3 and had pastamania for dinner at lot 1 with sarah.

anyway, my last project for the entire 4 weeks has already been launched. for the very first time in this course ever, i was showing an interest and anticipated of what's going to come.this sliver,tiny interest and anticipation might die off soon, i think but come on, i always dreamed of having my own shop.i havent really thought about it but one thing for sure, it got to be a luxurious shop, as told my the project's brief.

okay, that's it.i'm off to bed..

gotta do work in the morning.stupid martin, why cant philosophers talk straight and not beat around the bush.

alright, queen said i should get a tagboard but you see the comment below there, everyone can start commenting cause it's now open for everyone.

i was watching the pursuit of happyness in the afternoon and the first reason i was watching it because you said i should. it got me thinking about certain things. first, i was imagining you and me, doing our pursuit together and what would it be like. i think you and i have a similar feeling on how we should live this world and that is to be content with just about everything. so imagining us pursuing something together seemed something good to look forward to. but maybe, if it all goes well between you and i.

so i continued thinking and separate myself from you. this is about me. what would i be pursuing? how is it gonna be like and the question is, what is happiness? how you're gonna pursue it without knowing what is happiness to you..it could be anything but for me, what should it be? the movie touches me and i am determined to work hard(i hope i stick to my words). look at chris, he had to go through insecurity by being homeless and here i am typing this from the comfort of my home, what kind of suffering and hardship is mine compared to his? i neither suffer nor works hard enough.

and this thinking went back to you again. chris got his son, someone to pursue the happyness with and someone to drive him to pursuing happyness. i would love if the someone could be you. or someone like you. then that pursuing is not only for yourself and that happyness you get is not only for yourself but it is being shared with the special person, someone who got to be the reason behind your pursuit.

i know, i am so emotional tonight but this is what i am feeling now and i wont deny those feelings.

alright be back, less emo.

go watch the movie, is worthwhile.

It's fine.

Chin up,

Let it go,

Walk away,

And pretend nothing happened.

PS/: i need you

you know what i want, CHEESE MUSHROOM EGG PRATA!!!!

wow,it's novermber already. 2 more months to another new year, 2010.

my first project of term 3 is done,alhamdullilah.

ps: all i want before my school life gets hectic is a really good day with you. busy, busy busy. that's life. do not let the work control you,you control the work.

i am glad is the weekend. my week has been exhausting. staring at the laptop for hours and hours is exhausting,plus the journey back to back carrying the almost 3 kg laptop. i am done for the day.

gonna spend a relaxing time watching amazing race and survivor.

have a great weekend, i know i will.

meeting K tomorrow, alas!

oh how i love to look forward to post-submission.

i kinda like the way things are between you and me. Chillaxed, relax, no hurry, no rush. it's not as if we're getting married tomorrow.

school's tomorrow. this time, i'm going for quality instead of quantity and i am just going with the flow. hopes so, considering the person that i am, i dont go with the flow. prays for the best this semester.

19th Birthday!

to my four girlfriends, thank you so much for the celebration, the donuts, the pods(which i was craving for!!!), the surprise picnic and the perlini silver pendant. thank you for your time and i am really touched. i love each of you. friends for life alright?xoxo.

Awak, i miss you!come date me! :)

I think my expectations of life is simple. i just want to have a really good job that i love and enjoy for up until i feel i am done working. before i do that i really want to continue studying after i graduate. i was talking to K's friend and she said she was taking english in Nus. It somehow sparked me the idea to go and dream about Nus rather than Sim but you know, i do not want to expect much from myself.whatever it is, if i ever have the opportunity, i will grab it. I met with a new lecturer,she said she used to write local dramas for mediacorp and it sounded so interesting. i think i know where i am heading but i am praying for the best and Allah knows best.

:(

what's the difference from 18 to 19 huh?

oh well, it's in 20mins time so i shall wish in advance.

happy birthday to myself :)

19? what's new?i shall find out.

this shall pissed queenie's off. my self-obsessesed picture,currently in fb and msn dp.haahaha.

sorry people, i dont give a hoot,it's my birthday!

i had a great time yesterday.first up, west coast park with the paternal side. so the cousins,17 of us once again made plans to 'torn' and venture. right after the whole gathering, we met up again @ teban around 12.we made our way to pasir ris park to venture,meaning jalan2 cari hantu and pasal. hahaha, it was so much fun because we tried to find the maze and the swamp area.the swamp area was so freaking dark, there were no lights.so two by two we walked in and tried to find our way out. and of course there are cowards like me, but i tried to be brave.hah.fortunately, nothing happened and we see no ghost. the maze that we wanted to go too looked different than before, as they put lights, probably because the place is spooky.

after the whole venture thing, we went to changi!to see bapoks!!hahah, as usual, my dear cousin has a thing for bapok.there were quite a lot of them compared to the time when i was there.after that we had our supper, prata mushroom cheese egg and teh tarik.oh my, what a fulfilling supper.by the time i reached home, it was 5 in the morning.

it was fun all in all and lets do it again!puteri darling, pictures please!!

what a nice way to end my school holidays.

now i'm waiting to meet K.

school is at 8 tmr!

OH NO 2 AND A HALF DAYS TO SCHOOL!!!!!!

ALRIGHT, GONNA RELISH MY LAST WEEKEND

FREAKS OUT

FREAKS OUT

FREAKS OUT

NOT READY

NOT READY

NEVER READY

lets do this so that we can wear matching-matching baju kurung for as long..cheesy or no cheesy.

it's hard to leave my precious 2 months of holiday.school next week :/

on friday, i had a really good time shopping.i dont get to shop too often and i am "richer" only at a certain time of the year,sad i know.so it was just my cousin and I, on that day.i am so happy because i get everything that i wanted for that day,plus i didnt exceed my budget. to fiza, thanks for the dress you bought for me!!bestnyer dapat birthday present in advanced. :)

on saturday, i finally get to go on a date with my two best girlfriends, the double L, leha and lala. it was really good meeting them. we had dinner at popeye and had a really good conversation. girls, i really miss spending time with you.hope we'll meet soon, at the end of the year.

and today, jalan raya with my 4 girlsfriends!alright, i better go now.time to get ready.

ps/: wanna watch 500 days of summer with you.

i was talking to K the other day about how i find myself changing. when i was in secondary school, i was a sociable person.i will go around to the people i know and make conversations with them and just plainly being friendly. i was a friendly person back then, i still am. i loved socialising and talking to each different person. however, as i found my way to poly, i find myself not socialising, not being friendly enough(like how i used to)and not mixing with the others. i realised that i am no longer feel interested to know other people and i do not want to make conversation with people,pretending i like and am interested to get to know them. so i only go to the few that i really like and they like me too and we'll have conversations. i am becoming more appreciative with the people that are closer to me and they are enough. it is not that i am being arrogant or unfriendly, but i do not want to pretend that i like them.my feelings for others that i do not know are neutral.i realised, the more people you know, the more you gossip about people. i told K that i do not know if it is me or just the people there. K said it is me and he added "welcome to the adult world". maybe he's right. i do not know why i am acting like this. the people that i know in my course, they are generally okay, i have no problems with them and i do not dislike any of them. i do have friends that i genuinely like to get closer with, outside of my clique. i do, okay.but it's just a few.so if you DID people read my blog and you're not happen to be in my clique, it doesnt mean that i will no longer talk to you and please dont shun yourself away from me. i think it takes sincerity and time to get to know each other. if we happen to be friends for a lifetime, why not?

I have been really busy.the whole of last week was taken up.
monday-movie making with queen rf and hammie for kat's bday surprise
tuesday-celebrated kat's bday.watched ugly truth and had a relaxing dinner with a very nice view.
wednesday-meet up with K to do his Ns work.yes, i know,what ns work?
thursday- watched a movie again.phobia2.i did not want to watch it though but my movie tix was paid, so no complain right?
friday-raya open house
saturday-open house, K and his friends came over for raya.three of them stayed at my place till 3am in the morning.hahaha.poor you.you should just sleepover my place.
sunday- raya with K and his primary school friends.

by the way, i have 2 more weeks to school!!!!!like WTH!!i am not really looking forward.1.5 years to go and i dont know what will happened next.

okay and lastly
.
.
.
.

HAH!cheeeessssyyy. i know. pardon my boyfriend's unfriendly face.hahaha

Saturday-Open House

looking from the photos, i do have a lot of female cousins than male cousins.anyway, open house was so exhausting.it started from 12pm till 12am.my last guest was my neighbour.

maternal side.

fedre!so cute!

paternal side.

aiman!!so cute too right!i told my nephew,"come take a picture with me,if not i switch off the lights". apparently,he's afraid of the dark.hahah.

okay, 3 more weeks to school!OH FREAKING NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i like no doubt and i really like gwen stefani.the next time they come to singapore, i might consider watching them. and below this is the part of the lyrics of 4 in the morning.really like it.

You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me


I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

it's not too late i guess to wish all my muslim friends and cousins, Salam Aidilfitri. I seek forgiveness from all of you, even to my non-muslim friends if i have hurt you in any ways.
this year theme colour for my family is ORANGE!

my bros got the wrong shade of orange.

Mam and I.

famously known as the M sisters plus mam.haha,mcm paham,"famously".


second day.my eye looked swollen.cause of contact lens :/


alright,so many raya outings to plan and go!!oh no!!

i am coming to 19 this year. i am not as matured,i am still capable of being childish.i dont live this world enough.i might not experience real pain or agony like some others do.i am pretty blessed.i might not know about this world enough.but dont underestimate me.i know somethings that you dont. you gotta accept that fact.you might know more than me.however,i dont live this life blindly so what you're saying is totally unfair.i've lived up to 19 years to know certain things about life too.i might know certain things that you dont even if it's just minor stuff that i know. ACCEPT THAT FACT. you make me feel stupid, feel like i've wasted my 19 years.i have experienced things that you dont experience before.please,just accept this fact and i will accept the fact that you know more than me.

i'v been busy.

friday- shopping at orchard with mam,sis and bro.breakfast @ al-falah mosque with family.it was good and i wished i could breakfast, terawih there again but it's kinda late right now.insyaAllah next year.
saturday- geylang with mam and sis in the afternoon,geylang with K and family at night.i spent almost 10 hours at geylang.i was really exhuasted by then. it will definitely be the first and the last.anyway, it was good spending time with your family :)
sunday-breakfast at madjack,bukit timah with Ccks friends. at last, i get to meet haikal for such a long time.dude, thanks for remembering me.
monday- the start of kuih making.since i was the only one helping my mam, i had to do almost everything.my mam and i did 4 types in a day.haha, my mam is a superwoman.
tuesday-kuih making part 2. breakfast with K at clementi to get wanton mee.i still prefer malay wanton mee.i dont like steam wanton as much as i like fried wanton.hahah,sorry awak.
wednesday-kuih-making part 3.terawih at last.
friday and saturday will be busy cleaning the house i guess. and then it's hari raya. how time flies ~

you know what..you can have everything in the world.you can be the most happiest person.but what if you're the only one who is happy and the people that surrounds you are not?i just realised.i can be really happy,but what if my happiness is short-lived because the people that i love is not happy?i mean, how can you be really really happy when you see your mam,dad,sister,husband,wife is not happy? that's why the most important thing for me in life is be happy and the people that circles me are happy too, at least.

Iftar with Cousins-

last Sunday,we decided to breakfast together and even though ada orang bubble, we still had fun! Ry, hoped you had a good birthday!








well, we were all late because we decided to drink teh tarik at 11pm.sib baik bulan puase takde hantu so aku tak takut sangat.

ps/: i yet to go geylang.probably be going this saturday to get headscarves and such.hai,dont feel like being in the crowd and it's gonna be really hot.

my template was screwed but i kinda like this too.

be back soon :)

the thing about me is i am a realist.i am not a dreamer. i do dream of certain things,like having a car,a home,a husband,a job.but if you realise,those things are realistic things.everyone is capable of achieving a car,a home,a husband,a job.everyone,means people,like in Singapore.i never once dream big,like dreaming of having my own business or doing something extraordinary.i have yet to pursue something that i'm really passionate about and i dont know what i am so passionate about,apart from K.when people do talk about their dreams, i do find it hard to believe that it will happen.it doesnt sound convincing enough to me.i just nod,give my support.even if i had an idea of doing something big,it will be off my mind soon enough cause,i dont believe 100 percent in it and it's entirely unconvincing,unachievable and unrealistic.it is sad,because i find that i will not succeed if i dont dream big.having dreams,will be part of your motivation to do well and succeed but i dont dream and i will not do well,i think if i just set myself up to realistic goals.the only advantage is i wont be disappointed if i dont achieve my dreams but what's disappointment? we faced that everyday in our lives.sure i can go through many many disappointments.so i decided from now onwards i try,i try to change my mindset.i try to dream a bit by bit and see how it goes..but changing your mindset is hard enough so we'll see how..but one thing for sure, i'll make sure my dreams of travelling and having my own kind of wedding and performing haj will be succeeded.InsyaAllah.Amin.

dear K,

I love you. i always love you, when i am angry, sad or happy, i love you.

truly,

M.

HAHA!i dont know where that came from.so random and cheesy.very cheesy but i feel like posting that.sorry y'all. dont puke on your screen.and K, please dont laugh at this.hahah.

sorry.i was bored.very very very bored.

hey hammie, i got to know paolo nutini from your tumblr.didnt expect him to sound older than he looks but nice songs!haha :)

alright, i know i have not been updating.what's there to update. currently having my holidays and i have 7 more weeks to school..oh God, what i am going to do.seriously, i am not enjoying as much but at least i should be thankful that ramadhan is during my holidays and i could fast at home and perform terawih prayers but other than that, i am just slacking at home.so there you go..story of my life.