the last two years, i really know what i wanted to do,i was really sure, until i got myself into this. i forgot about it, put on hold, and maybe thought i wasnt going to make it. after what happened, i was not sure if i could get what i dreamed of.my confidence level after secondary school life was from 10 to 1.

but today, my lecturer told me to go for it.somehow,in her eyes, she believed that i can do it and i have stopped believing in myself for quite a while.

today, i am and very sure what i want in life. in 2020, i really want to see myself doing it. i must stop being afraid and must stop losing my self believe. i've been afraid and coward for so long and i want it to stop. if you dream small, you get small. if you dream big, you get big. there is no way to head towards success if i dream small, if i just be content and okay-ed with the way things are. God will help us,if we help ourselves, i believed that.

but this journey is not wasted, i will make use of it in the future.

btw, here's a quote from the movie coach carter which i watched during the weekend:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

"adulthood is about making decisions and living in the consequences"
maybe that is what i'm doing right now.