There is one person that I really love and could love no other is Muhammad Khidhir. We have always keep a low profile on our relationship in the cyber world. But today,I just want people to know how much I love this wonderful man. It has been more than three years we have been together. Love showed up when I was turning 18 but I know that it wasn't just my naivety that I have fallen in love.
This year is another year that we learned so much of ourselves and one another. And where our relationship will be taking us. It's almost the end of the year and this year I learned that trust is one of the most important thing that will keep the relationship. As cliche as it might sound, it's different when you say and when you do. We have been on the downside,but I love you more than I have ever had.
Things has been really good between us and we wouldn't know when suddenly it can be taken away. Keep an open communication constantly,consider each other feelings,don't let our ego and temper cloud our perspective,reason logically but balanced it out with emotional thinking.And be grateful with what our partners can give. Smile,laugh,joke,appreciate,care and love each other. Make your relationship simple,easy and effortless :)
Friday, September 09, 2011
Thursday, September 08, 2011
I have been on the longest hiatus.Updating my blog occasionally and if anyone still do check my blog(which i doubt anyone still would,that includes K)they would probably want to know what I have been up to.
the answer: absolutely nothing.
truth is,I've been in the deepest shithole which I've been trying to crawl out for the past 5 freaking months and I finally did.The shithole that I was referring to was,being unemployed. Eversince I graduated, I have been searching for a job. It teared me apart when the day I started looking for one, days have become weeks,weeks have become months and here we are 5 months later,I am so done with it. I was ashamed when people asked me what I was doing, I was actually stressed that I think I lost a bit of weight there. It was up to a point that when I stayed at home looking for jobs, I did not keep count of the days,I do not want to know what the date is, and I keep the calendar away because I don't want to know how long I have been staying at home. Sure,I did part time job but it didn't last and I needed time to stay at home to look for jobs and be ready and available when employers ask me down for interview.I have given all,my time, hours on the computer browsing through jobscentral and jobsdb, probably had sent 1k resumes to employers,meeting with agencies that wasted my time. Travel to and fro for interviews and going back with disappointment everytime. Everyday,I have to wake up to fear,fearing how long will this be. There was nothing to look forward to my life except being with K.It was probably the reason why I did not want to blog because there was nothing for me to share.
And finally,with many prayers,prayers from mam and dad especially,I did it.No one knows how I feel and what I have gone through till they went through what I did. Most importantly, was the faith that I had in Allah. I thank Allah so much and never did I gave up on Him. It was the only thing that kept me going. On the blessed month of Ramadhan,my dad told me that for sure I will get a job and I did.
Alhamdullilah.Alhamdullilah.Alhamdullilah. But I'm blessed for many reasons even though I was at the lowest point of my life.
I will leave you with my favourite quote and I'll come back here because there's something to look forward to now :)
If you make intense supplication
and the timing of the answer is delayed,
do not despair of it.
His reply to you is guaranteed;
but in the way He chooses,
not the way you choose,
and at the moment He desires,
not the moment you desire.
The Hikam by Ibn Ata'illah
the answer: absolutely nothing.
truth is,I've been in the deepest shithole which I've been trying to crawl out for the past 5 freaking months and I finally did.The shithole that I was referring to was,being unemployed. Eversince I graduated, I have been searching for a job. It teared me apart when the day I started looking for one, days have become weeks,weeks have become months and here we are 5 months later,I am so done with it. I was ashamed when people asked me what I was doing, I was actually stressed that I think I lost a bit of weight there. It was up to a point that when I stayed at home looking for jobs, I did not keep count of the days,I do not want to know what the date is, and I keep the calendar away because I don't want to know how long I have been staying at home. Sure,I did part time job but it didn't last and I needed time to stay at home to look for jobs and be ready and available when employers ask me down for interview.I have given all,my time, hours on the computer browsing through jobscentral and jobsdb, probably had sent 1k resumes to employers,meeting with agencies that wasted my time. Travel to and fro for interviews and going back with disappointment everytime. Everyday,I have to wake up to fear,fearing how long will this be. There was nothing to look forward to my life except being with K.It was probably the reason why I did not want to blog because there was nothing for me to share.
And finally,with many prayers,prayers from mam and dad especially,I did it.No one knows how I feel and what I have gone through till they went through what I did. Most importantly, was the faith that I had in Allah. I thank Allah so much and never did I gave up on Him. It was the only thing that kept me going. On the blessed month of Ramadhan,my dad told me that for sure I will get a job and I did.
Alhamdullilah.Alhamdullilah.Alhamdullilah. But I'm blessed for many reasons even though I was at the lowest point of my life.
I will leave you with my favourite quote and I'll come back here because there's something to look forward to now :)
If you make intense supplication
and the timing of the answer is delayed,
do not despair of it.
His reply to you is guaranteed;
but in the way He chooses,
not the way you choose,
and at the moment He desires,
not the moment you desire.
The Hikam by Ibn Ata'illah
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Friday, July 08, 2011
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Monday, July 04, 2011
I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair by Pablo Neruda
Don't go far off, not even for a day
Don't go far off, not even for a day,
Because I don't know how to say it - a day is long
And I will be waiting for you, as in
An empty station when the trains are
Parked off somewhere else, asleep.
Don't leave me, even for an hour, because then
The little drops of anguish will all run together,
The smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
Into me, choking my lost heart.
Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve
On the beach, may your eyelids never flutter
Into the empty distance.
Don't go far off, not even for a day,
Because I don't know how to say it - a day is long
And I will be waiting for you, as in
An empty station when the trains are
Parked off somewhere else, asleep.
Don't leave me, even for an hour, because then
The little drops of anguish will all run together,
The smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
Into me, choking my lost heart.
Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve
On the beach, may your eyelids never flutter
Into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for
A second, my dearest, because in that moment you'll
Have gone so far I'll wander mazily
Over all the earth, asking, will you
Come back? Will you leave me here, dying?
A second, my dearest, because in that moment you'll
Have gone so far I'll wander mazily
Over all the earth, asking, will you
Come back? Will you leave me here, dying?
Favourite poem of all.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday March 20th 2008
It was one day before your birthday and we had a date.I think at that time,I didn't even know it was a day before your birthday.It was the most unforgettable date I ever had with you and that was what exactly I described the date on my diary.Unforgettable.It was a simplest affair but the simple of all leaves more memories.We had dinner at Seoul Garden at Ngee Ann City.I wrote that you were really good to me.You being gentleman,taking the utensils for me and asked the waiter for the brownies because I wanted one.That simple gestures of yours impressed me the most and bring warmth to my heart.
After dinner we walked around Orchard Road,busking in the lights of neon and the buzzing crowd.But it didn't stop us.We walked aimlessly and finally had a stop at Borders,which we still up till now often come when we're in town and don't know what to do.We were looking through religious Islamic books and had the same interest.Everything was so perfect that night.I never felt any calmer or serene that I shared with another man.The night ended when you sent me home,the first guy ever to send me right to my doorstep.You gave me a shawl you bought from KL and you lied to me before that you didn't buy anything when I asked.You just wanted to surprise me actually.And that shawl still lies here in my bed,right beside me when I go to sleep every night.Because it reminded me of you.Of the first thing you ever bought for me.
After that wonderful and special night,I had fallen hard for you.You didn't know this but that night had left a huge impact on me.I was thinking of you day and night.I wanted to tell you right away but I hold back this crazy feeling that I had for you.It has been too long since I felt this way for someone and it made me happy.I then prayed to God to make this happen,right and give me the strength that I need.
To the simple dates that we had :)
It was one day before your birthday and we had a date.I think at that time,I didn't even know it was a day before your birthday.It was the most unforgettable date I ever had with you and that was what exactly I described the date on my diary.Unforgettable.It was a simplest affair but the simple of all leaves more memories.We had dinner at Seoul Garden at Ngee Ann City.I wrote that you were really good to me.You being gentleman,taking the utensils for me and asked the waiter for the brownies because I wanted one.That simple gestures of yours impressed me the most and bring warmth to my heart.
After dinner we walked around Orchard Road,busking in the lights of neon and the buzzing crowd.But it didn't stop us.We walked aimlessly and finally had a stop at Borders,which we still up till now often come when we're in town and don't know what to do.We were looking through religious Islamic books and had the same interest.Everything was so perfect that night.I never felt any calmer or serene that I shared with another man.The night ended when you sent me home,the first guy ever to send me right to my doorstep.You gave me a shawl you bought from KL and you lied to me before that you didn't buy anything when I asked.You just wanted to surprise me actually.And that shawl still lies here in my bed,right beside me when I go to sleep every night.Because it reminded me of you.Of the first thing you ever bought for me.
After that wonderful and special night,I had fallen hard for you.You didn't know this but that night had left a huge impact on me.I was thinking of you day and night.I wanted to tell you right away but I hold back this crazy feeling that I had for you.It has been too long since I felt this way for someone and it made me happy.I then prayed to God to make this happen,right and give me the strength that I need.
To the simple dates that we had :)
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Our First Date
5th February 2008 was our first date.Truth to be told,I never been out on a date.Meeting and getting to know a guy was something new to me,it was somewhat of a fear that I needed to overcome myself.K asked me out on a Tuesday night to Breeks Marina Square.That day,that place,that time was where everything started.You waited for me outside Breeks,the moment I saw you,my heart beats so fast.I was choking with nervousness.I watched you from far because I saw you first.You,with your white pullover sweater,black straightcut pants,clean-cut hair and your green bag(cant remember what shoe you wore though).You had a good first impression,I'm glad you had some sense of fashion cause I cared about this and it was one of my considerations if i ever decide to go out with you again.
We said our Hi's and we went inside.I apologized for reaching late,and that I had blisters and that it was no excuse.I was blabbering,because I was nervous.We then ordered our food and since we were on dutch,I ordered something cheap and I think you did too.Haha.We started our conversations,awkward moments here and there because it was the first time we saw each other and alone together like this.Our date was then brought out outside when we were done with dinner.It was about 9 plus and we had a nice walk to the Merlion statue where we chose to sat.I was blabbering again,talking about my secondary school life.You were pretty quiet but you shared some of yours too.I keep talking and asking you because you were too quiet for a noisy girl like me.I don't want to be in silence for long.For a person like me I tried to avoid silence between two people cause it makes me uncomfortable.However,during moments of silence,sitting beside you,looking at the scenery we had,I found a sense of comfort that I never had with any other guy.There onwards,was the starting point of you teaching me the meaning of silence,being quiet and still enjoy each other company.
I lost the track of time but it was 10.30pm plus that we wanted to go back.We walked to the Raffles Mrt and when we were at the platform,the train towards City Hall arrives.I was so ready to leave.I was so ready to end the night because I was still nervous and I don't want to continue the conversation.You wanted to send me back but I refused profusely.There,it ended right there.And the rest is history..
5th February 2008 was our first date.Truth to be told,I never been out on a date.Meeting and getting to know a guy was something new to me,it was somewhat of a fear that I needed to overcome myself.K asked me out on a Tuesday night to Breeks Marina Square.That day,that place,that time was where everything started.You waited for me outside Breeks,the moment I saw you,my heart beats so fast.I was choking with nervousness.I watched you from far because I saw you first.You,with your white pullover sweater,black straightcut pants,clean-cut hair and your green bag(cant remember what shoe you wore though).You had a good first impression,I'm glad you had some sense of fashion cause I cared about this and it was one of my considerations if i ever decide to go out with you again.
We said our Hi's and we went inside.I apologized for reaching late,and that I had blisters and that it was no excuse.I was blabbering,because I was nervous.We then ordered our food and since we were on dutch,I ordered something cheap and I think you did too.Haha.We started our conversations,awkward moments here and there because it was the first time we saw each other and alone together like this.Our date was then brought out outside when we were done with dinner.It was about 9 plus and we had a nice walk to the Merlion statue where we chose to sat.I was blabbering again,talking about my secondary school life.You were pretty quiet but you shared some of yours too.I keep talking and asking you because you were too quiet for a noisy girl like me.I don't want to be in silence for long.For a person like me I tried to avoid silence between two people cause it makes me uncomfortable.However,during moments of silence,sitting beside you,looking at the scenery we had,I found a sense of comfort that I never had with any other guy.There onwards,was the starting point of you teaching me the meaning of silence,being quiet and still enjoy each other company.
I lost the track of time but it was 10.30pm plus that we wanted to go back.We walked to the Raffles Mrt and when we were at the platform,the train towards City Hall arrives.I was so ready to leave.I was so ready to end the night because I was still nervous and I don't want to continue the conversation.You wanted to send me back but I refused profusely.There,it ended right there.And the rest is history..
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The past is always lurking in the present and future,waiting for the right time to make its appearance and ruin all the hopes of believing that we have already moved on.You might moved on but the past is still the past and it's coming back to haunt you or your loved ones.So what are you going to do when you are facing someone's else's past?How do you even get up and try to move on once again?
Monday, June 13, 2011
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
ps/: sorry two mushy entries in a row!
Monday, May 16, 2011
As I am writing this,I don't know if you know that today mark the 3 years that we have been together.Maybe you pretend that you don't know cause when I asked, you said,you don't and you gave me the smiley face.Haha.Anyway,nothing celebratory of today.We probably go out as per normal and have dinner.Keeping all the good stuff when we get married huh?
I just want you to know that it has been a really really good 3 years with you.We had a solid relationship.I like the way things are between us and I am really grateful.You are so easy to be with and you always put up with me(like how I always put up with you).Okay I shall save the mushy stuff to him in privacy but I rarely publicized my relationship with him so this is the only one time okay?
alright gotta go and get ready to meet him!
I just want you to know that it has been a really really good 3 years with you.We had a solid relationship.I like the way things are between us and I am really grateful.You are so easy to be with and you always put up with me(like how I always put up with you).Okay I shall save the mushy stuff to him in privacy but I rarely publicized my relationship with him so this is the only one time okay?
alright gotta go and get ready to meet him!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
"Instead, I gave him my shoulder,my elbow,the bend of my knee."
"I lend him my corners,my edges,the parts of me that I could afford to offer,the parts that I have long since I have given up trying to hide."
"He never asks for more.He gave me back his eyelashes,the back of his neck,his palms.."
"We kissed with mouth open,breathing his exhale into my inhale.."
discovered Sarah Kay and I really really love this poetry of hers.I have never done real poetry. The attempts that I had was when I was 14,writing quite a few love poetry(i think it was at that point of time).This made me quite inspired and maybe I hope it gets me to write.
"I lend him my corners,my edges,the parts of me that I could afford to offer,the parts that I have long since I have given up trying to hide."
"He never asks for more.He gave me back his eyelashes,the back of his neck,his palms.."
"We kissed with mouth open,breathing his exhale into my inhale.."
discovered Sarah Kay and I really really love this poetry of hers.I have never done real poetry. The attempts that I had was when I was 14,writing quite a few love poetry(i think it was at that point of time).This made me quite inspired and maybe I hope it gets me to write.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
So that is how life has been treating me good.I know that once I started working and hopefully studying,life wouldn't be easy.Life wouldn't be easy once I start work,then schooling up until I graduated,find a new job and ending up with a job or career that I love.If that is how my life will roll out for me.
Okay gotta get going.Will be back soon.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
fuckyeahmasturahsaad.tumblr.com
i miss school by looking at these pictures,i miss my friends the most,the times we spent together but never the assignments or projects.I am glad that is over.Tomorrow,the results awaits.Praying that all of us 5 will graduate together..
i miss school by looking at these pictures,i miss my friends the most,the times we spent together but never the assignments or projects.I am glad that is over.Tomorrow,the results awaits.Praying that all of us 5 will graduate together..
Friday, March 18, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
i don't care if i am tired,as long as i am still young,i want to do something productive.this is the only the period of our life that we still have energy to do whatever we want.i don't want to look back and say,i wish i have done this when i was much younger.
currently: just started working today and i can choose as and of when.and i've already landed myself in a job interview this thursday.wish me all the best.
currently: just started working today and i can choose as and of when.and i've already landed myself in a job interview this thursday.wish me all the best.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Me: "When the whole world is against you,there will be one person that is with you and that is me".
You: "Nobody else i would ask for..And the only one I need".
I want to remember this forever..
True love is tested when one is in a situation..how far would the other go through it together with the one.
The phrase then applies.."through thick and thin".
Highs and lows,you'll find me there..
You: "Nobody else i would ask for..And the only one I need".
I want to remember this forever..
True love is tested when one is in a situation..how far would the other go through it together with the one.
The phrase then applies.."through thick and thin".
Highs and lows,you'll find me there..
Monday, March 07, 2011
it has been a week since school has officially ended.it took me longer that i thought to update this blog of mine.i've graduated.now what?instead of feeling joy,i feel stranded.as for now.currently i will never know how my future will be like.once again.it is hard not to think or worry too much.i try not to make any big plans for myself.just praying to God seems to be better at the moment.truth to be told,i am scared.i hope it turns out good because i do not want history to repeat itself.just gonna hang in there a bit,try my luck here and there and see how it goes..God has His plans for me and i just have to wait.patiently.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Friday, February 04, 2011
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
busy weeks ahead, left with about 20 more days and that's it. the end of school.
anyway,the only fun that happened this week was the photoshoot.everyone else was dreading it but i guess i was the only one looking forward for it.eventhough i felt foolish for the informal shot but oh well,treasure every minute i have in school because i just might miss school once i graduated.
anyway,the only fun that happened this week was the photoshoot.everyone else was dreading it but i guess i was the only one looking forward for it.eventhough i felt foolish for the informal shot but oh well,treasure every minute i have in school because i just might miss school once i graduated.
okay that's it talk soon xx
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