the starting of a miserable week.is not that i had premonitions that this week will be bad.okay,it wouldn't be so so bad.i shall give myself a benefit of a doubt.hai,the things that i, we had to go through.it is only the 4th month.still premature,still new.but GOD has plans for us.He planned this and i shall succumbed to this.5 days and it will be over.however,there will be more tests in the future.it will never stop.tell me that He is doing this for me,that ALLAH loves me.
well,i have to see this as a positive side.in every angle.let see how i do being boy/bestfriend-less.


school tomorrow.can't wait!

yesterday was officially the bad(i shall not call it worst)day.

i had a breakdown yesterday during class.

masturah never ever break down during class or matter of fact,in front of people.i hate to show my weaknesses,remember?i had been keeping it all inside and he(my lecturer) was the triggering factor.he just hit that spot and i'm all rivers and rainfalls.i hadn't been feeling extra bubbly,extra enthusiastic,extra happy ever since monday.i don't know what's wrong.i have been thinking a lot and i'm getting use to his absence.this is not easy but i'm trying.

and today,i thought it would be better.i was already late for class.when i reached yew tee mrt,i remembered that i didn't bring my tessies along so i went back home and my brother wasn't being helpful at all.(is like a 5 min walk back to home)i was fasting by the way.i wanted to cry but i snapped myself.i need to be better.i need to feel better.

alright mas,tomorrow will be better and if another adversity falls upon you then just tell yourself that there's a barakah in every adversity.i need to get close to Allah.27th,please come quick!

10 more days mas,just be patient.10 more days till i pour my heart content to him.
ns spoiler,ns spoiler,ns spoiler.

ps/: i know this post sounds like i'm some kind of whiny crybaby.i'm not most of the time.it sucked to feel this way.

4AM Forever-

Today,i feel so blah.I don't know.I'm beginning to hate design studio.i have so so many things to do which i don't feel like doing.And primarily.He is in NS already.serving for the damn country.
the fact that i'll not see him for the next 2/3 weeks is making me feel err uneasy?but mas,you gotta pick yourself up cause is only for 2/3 weeks,come on.Seriously,i feel so blah.I felt like crying when i listened to Bellaluna in the train.I've not cry for so long.i dislike weaknesses.
Maybe i'll later when i'm going to bed.

Anyway, yesterday was my belated brother birthday.Happy Birthday Saufie.i felt bad at the fact that i didn't get the chance to wish him on his birthday.i didn't get to go to his party(manifested with kids and makciks.haha)and cut the cake with him.

alrightey.see you when i feel better.

i'll never forget yesterday.

Listen- Dashboard Confessional

It's saturday night/sunday morning.No,i didn't have plans today.the beach outing was postponed next week.thank god.anyway,i was a bit frantic when i know that i have nothing to do on a saturday.it irked me a lot so asked my friends(almost everyone i'm close with)out. the fact sinked into my head the minute i know that i am just gonna stay at home on a saturday,watching lord of the rings.Anyway,i did went out for a short while.looking back,spending a saturday at home wasn't that bad.if there's good movies.i think i deserve to rest at home,cause i've been going out a lot,like everyday without fail.is time for masturah to have her time of her own.well,i could do that after,after..

Anyhow,last night was spent with Leha!haha,our normal meet up sessions will be shop-talk-eat-talk.i bought some stuffs!i'm a satisfied woman.but dang,i wished i had more money cause i wanted a bag and another shoe(hint hint,siape entah aku hint kat).we then had ayam penyet and happy soda which really made us happy.gosh,that drink is so irresistable!say thanks to your sis Leha for treating me!thanks for the day,xoxo.

Tomorrow.Family.Him.Friends.Which one?All three clashed in one day=confused mas.

the fact is i'm not ready.i don't think i can go through this but i believe that eventually,i will.no matter what.i just hope that at the end,i'll be able to see that i'm strong enough to face yet another situation like that.this is hard but there's nothing i can do.

in the meantime,i would like to munasabah.i feel so far.
i read melati's blog.am jealous.if only time permits,i would go.
but it seemed i have work to do everyday after school,not that i'm complaining.
i miss the halaqah sisters.


tmr meeting leha.yeay!i'm out for the whole three days.so,must chiong and finish all my homework before weekends.and that include photoshop.gotta go.i have photoshop-ping to do.

You and Me-

been out for the whole week.that explained my absence.
just as what i wanted.to be preoccupied with things.this week and next week,i'll be busy.but my friends,you can book me on weekends.i've been wanting to go out with my secondary schoolmates but i'm so afraid to ask.since leha will be working,i guess i just meet up with the guys.hmm,maybe this saturday.hope my plan works if not,i have to find someone else to go out with me.

anyways,let me share you a story.on friday,i went out with him,as usual.so while we're walking,there was this crazy auntie walked behind us and she started cursing us.swear after swear.she stalked us even!crazy shit,that old hag.she cursed us and our parents.people were looking at us.humiliating i tell you.old faggot,may sense knock into your head someday.i shall forgive you.haha.looking back,it was hilarious.

aww,friday was fantastic.has always been.since we've been going out together,i think i've put on weight.from breeks,to seoul garden,to siam kitchen to fig and olive and to secret recipe and more to come.no more of ordering desert okay?damn,time flies fast for us.tomorrow,will be exactly one month before you go NS.damn.and i shall make myself be more preoccupied,especially on friday night.well i really hope i still have halaqah,so i have something else to look forward to the end of the week.shan't talk bout it anymore till the day comes.seriously,things are working out great for us and this is my first time experiencing all of this.i wanted this for long,now that i have it,i'll hold on to it,for as long.we'll see if fate is on our side.and if it's not,then it's not meant to be.i'm happy,more happier now,after i told him the truth.love is the most amazing feeling life has to offer :)
just be happy for me people.just be.

ps/: name and his picture shall not be revealed.not just yet.HAH.so busybodies,wait alright.

i want it to be constant.always there,whenever i want,i need it.don't ever disappear on me.never changing.just constant.stick to me.is all i want at the end of the day.do i deserve this? have i not been constant enough for you?i am scared,i am jealous.they keep going,keep leaving.maybe is for good,God knows.but i just want someone to be constant.

mas,assuming is bad.

2 more days to friday,one more assignment!
and yeah,friday is really our submission day.everything single thing that we did in class is to be handed in by friday.i'll be going to school with a huge box and A3 file so,i really don't know how i am going to stuff myself in the mrt.

anyway,take a time off from all of these crazy stuffs.i read sister Muna's another blog and i teared up especially when she talked about her mam.i was really touched.somehow,i do seek refuge from her blog.i just need something,words,quotes,stories from her to get me going and of course,i do seek refuge from Him.i don't know,a lot has been going on now and all i need is strength. i miss you Kak Muna and the halaqah sisters.

pray for me,my muslim friends.Jazakallah khairan.